A few words about fearful thinking...

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Seems to me that once we get a little practice doing stuff that feels scary, it gets easier! 

You see there’s really nothing to be afraid of, most of the time fear isn't a good reason to wait or stop. Often, a choice only feels scary for a short time and then it looks like an amazing idea!

Here’s a short list of decisions that looked scary to me in the moment...

  • Start a PhD in my 40s. 
  • Attend graduate school at Stanford for a semester leaving a husband and 14 year old daughter in Kansas. (Next time we meet, ask me about the room I rented).
  • Give away 80% of my belongings, sell the house in the suburbs and move to a 715 sq. ft. condo in the city. 
  • Leave my career in educational coaching and research to start Your Peaceful Space

Why am I sharing these examples?? Because this amazing life is full of moments when we can choose to move forward inspite of our fearful thinking! This, my friends is how we make our dreams come true, and it's available to you.

What dreams do you carry....but too afraid to set into motion? 

Float this statement in your mind, "I carry a dream that..." then just let the words and images come to you, see what arrises. I would LOVE to hear what you notice!

May is my birthday month and I am giving you a gift!

I've got two bits of good news for you

 

As I mention in the short video, my birthday is this month and so I want to offer you a gift! To say thanks a bunch for helping me create a amazing life through my work with you, everyone on my mailing list gets a free, 3-part video series on how to deal with procrastination. The first video should be ready by Friday, so keep an eye out for it.  If you're not yet on my mailing list and need help send me a message and we'll get you signed up! 


I am also offering a bonus 30-minute coaching session for those of you who enroll in my Laser Coaching program in May. This way of coaching is proving to be really helpful to those who have signed-up and we're actually having fun! To see if it might be just the kind of coaching you'd find helpful click Laser Coaching Info or just send me an email and I'll answer all of your questions. 

Thanks so much!
Nikki

A snippet of my story

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I've often envied those who have a story of an abrupt insight. I guess I believe the suddenness of the insight makes it more powerful and important. This is not how it works for me. I'll often have a thought that gains steam as it flits around my mind sometimes taking months to land. 

The insight finally lands

We stood in front of the storage unit in Bonner Springs, neither of us could remember most of what we had stored away last year. I knew there would be a Christmas tree, cushions from our small sailboat and plastic tubs of photos, but what was taking up the rest of the 10x20 unit? When we moved from our 4 bedroom home months earlier I demanded we keep the things we hadn't given away and wouldn't fit into our very small condominium.

How is it that I could not remember most of these precious belongings? The insight finally landed, the whole reason I had insisted on selling our big house and giving most of out things away, I saw clearly.... the stuff isn't what makes my life meaningful!

This "stuff" isn't actually the "stuff" of life. 

Let me know if this feels true for you too.

Thanks for being here. Nikki

 

Just a few easy steps...really!

If you've been thinking about your spring decluttering, but can't seem to start, here are five suggestions proven to help.

Even if this feels like a stretch, try at least one suggestion and see if you can get traction. Just contact me if you want support. 

 

Schedule your sorting sessions

For most of us if it's not scheduled, then it's not a priority. If decluttering is a priority for you then go ahead schedule a handful of 25 minute sorting sessions...take a minute to do that now if you'd like. 


Go public with your plans

Once you get the 25 minute sorting sessions scheduled, notify someone who can encourage you and offer friendly accountability. It's helpful to be specific, let them know what day/time you have scheduled so they can text or call to check in with you.  


Pick a specific starting point

This is incredibly helpful! Pick the area that's bugging you the most or the area that feels easiest. Start small; a single drawer, box or shelf. 


Remember, it's simply sorting

Most everything you sort will fall into one of four piles; keep, donate, recycle or toss. Gather some boxes and bags and just start storing! Consider that this work doesn't have to be a big deal...just focus on the sorting.

Celebrate your small wins

In order to create a new track record of success, allow yourself to soak up some self-appreciation when you complete a sorting session. All forward progress is worthy of notice...no win is too small!  


I've been wondering...

how I can structure my coaching to be of service in new ways? 

I am currently receiving coaching in a way that's offering me a new level of motivation and accountability and I wonder if some of you might find this structure helpful. 

This particular coaching approach makes it easier for me to feel less overwhelmed and has really helped me be more productive

The deepest result so far is that I more fully trust my own wisdom to take the next step... I am experimenting more and working less!

Soon I'll share more details about this addition to my coaching practice. I am excited to experiment!

Thanks for reading! 
Nikki

ADHD Resiliency

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I offered a workshop on ADHD resiliency in January at Shawnee Mission Health Center as part of their Health and Wellness series. Several people attended, some with ADHD and some there to support a family member with ADHD.

Here are a few notes we covered in the How to Create a New Routine section of the workshop. I’ve been asked to present this material again this spring, check my New Events tab here on my website or my business facebook page https://www.facebook.com/yourpeacefulspace/ in the next few weeks for details.

Creating New Routines

How do you know you need one?

  • You’re having lots of chatter in your head about a particular challenge.
  • It’s a persistent challenge.
  • You see that a small behavior change could make your life much easier.

How to create a new routine.

  • Remember the conditions that have helped new routines stick in the past.
  • Tie it to something you already regularly do…stack/chain/nest your new behavior with existing behaviors.
  • Make it easy and efficient.

How to make it stick.

  • Practice, walk through it a few times in the beginning.
  • Refine at any time.
  • Visual prompts. Write it down or draw it out and post in strategic places.
  • Hold it lightly whether or not you do this new habit every day, says NOTHING about you as a person…does not touch your innate wellbeing.
  • Again, ignore the “mean voice” that says you'll never be able to do this…always ignore the “mean voice.

As always, just email me with questions, yourpeacefulspace@gmail.com

Thank you! Nikki

Here's What's New

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Maybe it's your thinking-

January 17th, around 9:15 am I'll be on Fox 4 talking about how harsh self-judgment can actually keep us stuck and afraid to move ahead with decluttering. If you miss it, check for the clip on my FaceBook page next week.

I am pretty excited about this-
I am offering a free 5-Day Clutter Challenge in February (more details soon). I would love to hear about the difficulty you face with clutter so I can make sure to offer information that's helpful. Just reply to this email to share your ideas with me. 

Workshop Information-
Jump over to my new events page to get details about a workshop I am offering at Shawnee Mission Medical Center on January 29th from 6:00-7:30 pm; we'll talk about Adult ADHD.

Thank you so much for taking a few minutes to read this...I appreciate your interest.

Nikki

Less Stress for the Holidays

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For most of us, the holidays are a sweet time to revisit traditions that connect us to our families, friends and spiritual practices. We know these connections increase our feelings of well-being. We may also experience the stress that comes with days of shopping for perfect gifts and brace ourselves for the influx of stuff into our already full house. The research is clear that although our consumption of material goods has doubled in the past 50 years, our happiness levels have flatlined.

Here’s an interesting bit of info…nearly 7 in 10 Americans said they would skip exchanging gifts this holiday season if their friends and family agreed to it, according to a new survey conducted online by Harris Poll on behalf of SunTrust Banks, Inc. (NYSE: STI).  A majority of those who spend time buying or making gifts (60 percent) said they would spend more time with friends and family if they didn't have to worry about gifts.

Consider that the time, energy and money you spend buying gifts for others could actually be spent with others. Maybe this season you could focus on shared experiences rather than exchanging gifts.

Here are some ideas to help you honor your connections by spending time together rather than shopping:

1. Be Together: Create a gift card for your parents that includes an afternoon at the museum and dinner out with you. Or together research and choose one of the micro loaning non-profits such as Kiva.org (http://www.kiva.org) to support small businesses throughout the world.

2. Plan Family Nights: Gather around the kitchen table and create a monthly family night. For each month in the next year plan: a movie night, visit a new restaurant, library event, live theater, local and regional state parks, bike ride to breakfast, streetcar ride to river market, Union Station, museum visit, volunteer work, art class, or a family cooking class. We have a city full of amazing opportunities.

3. Find a Good Cause: For those who have everything, check CharityNavigator.org (http://www.CharityNavigator.org) to find a highly rated charity that supports a cause this person is passionate about. Don’t forget about our local Harvesters.org (http://www.Harvesters.org) a community food network; they are happy to have monetary donations and your hands-on help.

Start a conversation with your family and friends to explore how you can create new traditions focused on using your time, energy and money to create experiences together rather than shopping for things. This new way of living through the holidays may be just the connection and relief and you are looking for.

This year, peace on earth can begin with you.

 Let me know if you have questions & take good care of yourself! Nikki

Fear Busters for Clutter

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               Ruth's living room

More and more it looks to me like our clutter is a result of fear. Fear that we might need that box of doorknobs, fear that we are giving away something that has monetary value, and fear that we're going to forget the sweet memories that seem to be attached to particular items. Here are the top 3 statements I hear from people that keep them stuck in fear and clutter.

1. “I might need this someday.”

This is the rallying cry that keeps us overwhelmed and mired in our stuff. This is the statement that keeps towers of margarine tubs and stacks of unread magazines in homes. If you are ready to shed some stuff, rather than “I might need this someday”, consider the question “If I let this go, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

2. “This might be worth some money.”

This can be true, but the majority of the time we assume items have a monetary value that they don’t.  Even when there is potential cash to be made, we never get around to researching the value and then finding the best marketplace. If you really believe the record albums are worth some money then you have to put the time and energy into selling them. Obviously, you won't get the payoff if you continue to leave them in the basement.

3. “I feel guilty about letting this go.”

We develop emotional attachments to stuff and that can make it hard to let go of even when we don’t really want them anymore. Maybe you have your grandmother's china hutch, an expensive pair of shoes that don't fit, or boxes of your children's art projects. If you are ready to consider letting these items go, here are some helpful strategies:

  • re-gift the set of dishes to someone you know will want them
  • take a photo of the dining room table as a proxy for the table
  • write about how you feel when you see the vases
  • make a quick piece of art to honor the emotions you feel when you look at the painting
  • my personal favorite, wear the dress one last time and savor its farewell tour

 

Noticing the fear chatter in your head while you're sorting through your clutter can be interesting, but you don't need to believe it... just because you think it. Simply continue to deal with your clutter, soon the sense of relief and peace will feel stronger than the fear. Keep moving forward and let me know if you want help.