Clutter

Not on the same page?

When we share space with other people, there are likely to be differences in how much stuff, is too much stuff.

Where do the differences come from?
There is evidence out of UCLA that women are more likely to release cortisol, a stress hormone when they just think about their clutter at home…not always, but often women feel more stressed by clutter. Additionally, how our parents dealt with clutter seems to strongly influence how we deal with it.

When there are differences, how can we more easily deal with the clutter together?

  1. Lead by example.Sometime your beloved just hasn't considered how amazing it feels to let go of the stuff that no longer serves them. Share your good feelings of freedom, ease and relief.

  2. Don’t shame or brag.These have no place in kind, loving relationships. Plus they are not good ways to change behavior over the long term. Stay positive and supportive, acknowledge accomplishments, no matter how small. Authentic comments of appreciation is a powerful way to support behavior change.

  3. Try to understand the other’s point of view. It's more important to understand, than to be right. This isn't about right and wrong, this is about finding a way for you to both feel okay in your shared space.

  4. Negotiate individual spaces.If possible, it's super helpful for you to each have a small bit of space that feels "just right" for you...even if it's a corner of a room, or your side of the bedroom.

    Let me know which of these works for you. If you need additional support, consider coaching or counseling to find common ground.

ADHD Resiliency

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I offered a workshop on ADHD resiliency in January at Shawnee Mission Health Center as part of their Health and Wellness series. Several people attended, some with ADHD and some there to support a family member with ADHD.

Here are a few notes we covered in the How to Create a New Routine section of the workshop. I’ve been asked to present this material again this spring, check my New Events tab here on my website or my business facebook page https://www.facebook.com/yourpeacefulspace/ in the next few weeks for details.

Creating New Routines

How do you know you need one?

  • You’re having lots of chatter in your head about a particular challenge.
  • It’s a persistent challenge.
  • You see that a small behavior change could make your life much easier.

How to create a new routine.

  • Remember the conditions that have helped new routines stick in the past.
  • Tie it to something you already regularly do…stack/chain/nest your new behavior with existing behaviors.
  • Make it easy and efficient.

How to make it stick.

  • Practice, walk through it a few times in the beginning.
  • Refine at any time.
  • Visual prompts. Write it down or draw it out and post in strategic places.
  • Hold it lightly whether or not you do this new habit every day, says NOTHING about you as a person…does not touch your innate wellbeing.
  • Again, ignore the “mean voice” that says you'll never be able to do this…always ignore the “mean voice.

As always, just email me with questions, yourpeacefulspace@gmail.com

Thank you! Nikki