When we share space with other people, there are likely to be differences in how much stuff, is too much stuff.
Where do the differences come from?
There is evidence out of UCLA that women are more likely to release cortisol, a stress hormone when they just think about their clutter at home…not always, but often women feel more stressed by clutter. Additionally, how our parents dealt with clutter seems to strongly influence how we deal with it.
When there are differences, how can we more easily deal with the clutter together?
Lead by example.Sometime your beloved just hasn't considered how amazing it feels to let go of the stuff that no longer serves them. Share your good feelings of freedom, ease and relief.
Don’t shame or brag.These have no place in kind, loving relationships. Plus they are not good ways to change behavior over the long term. Stay positive and supportive, acknowledge accomplishments, no matter how small. Authentic comments of appreciation is a powerful way to support behavior change.
Try to understand the other’s point of view. It's more important to understand, than to be right. This isn't about right and wrong, this is about finding a way for you to both feel okay in your shared space.
Negotiate individual spaces.If possible, it's super helpful for you to each have a small bit of space that feels "just right" for you...even if it's a corner of a room, or your side of the bedroom.
Let me know which of these works for you. If you need additional support, consider coaching or counseling to find common ground.